Why I am not fighting biases any more
A few days ago, I posted on my Instagram stories about how, as a Black African woman living abroad, I have felt that I have to present myself and my family well to potentially fight biases that people may have against Africans. This was a moment of vulnerability for me because I didn’t want the story to come across like I want to change myself to fit into the “Western gaze”. Despite the initial hesitation, I felt it was important for me to share my experience and it seems that it resonated with a lot of you.
A few years ago, I was in Edinburgh for work. My company at the time was hosting a party to celebrate a milestone year. My colleagues and I got dressed up, arrived at the venue, shmoozed with all the guests and clients and got a little bit too drunk. My boss who is also a very good friend (Black Kenyan woman) and I stumbled into a taxi and got to our AirBnB at an ungodly hour. We got about 3-4 hrs sleep and woke up the next morning absolutely hungover and with pounding headaches. We literally wanted to spend the morning in bed with a bacon sandwich, drowning ourselves in water. My friend looked at me and said “Nyash, we have to get dressed, take some paracetamol and get to work on time. We cannot make them think that we are unable to do our jobs”. She basically insinuated that we could not make our English and Scottish colleagues think that we had such a good night and couldn’t deliver. At the time, we were the only Black African employees in a company of about than 30 people. Being in the minority in the workplace, I always felt that I had to show up for Africans and deliver excellent quality work to make sure that no one could use any negative biases against us. I did not pander to my colleagues, however I always made sure to try to present well.
In Abu Dhabi, I also felt this way at my son’s playgroup. I always made sure that he had everything he needed, looked smart and, I must admit, insisted he used all his pleases and thank yous. Again, making sure that no one could ever stereotype him. I have carried this with me with interactions since moving to the Netherlands.
Thinking through it objectively, and after reading the responses to my Instagram story, there is a subconscious weight that you have as an African living in a country where you are a minority. It’s easy to feel like you have to live to disprove stereotypes or perceived biases that the “Western gaze” has portrayed of Africans. On the one hand, this is laughable because who says that punctuality is a Western thing. On the other hand, it is so ingrained in Africans that we must do and present well out “there”.
I am taking the first steps in a journey to unlearn the conditioning that makes me add small subconscious tasks to fight battles that exist in my head! Now that I am aware of the burden that I have been carrying, I need to try be my authentic self and do my best.
If you are a minority in a foreign country, workplace or environment we must live our authentic lives and we must exist!
