we can all get over the valley of despair
As I have found myself in the work of helping people through transitions, its only right for me to talk about the valley of despair.
What is that valley of despair you ask? In the diagram below, it is a trough in the graph from the Dunning-Kruger effect. The graph below illustrates the effect that shows how we tend to overestimate our knowledge or ability in a specific area. This mainly happens when we are going through a period of change or a learning journey. Which seems like everyday right?
As we learn something new or transition into a new experience we start off from zero trying to learn as much as we can and this pushes us to the peak of Mount Stupid. At this enlightening peak, we then tumble downwards and it slowly emerges that we truly know nothing and there is so much we don’t know. Tumbling furiously into the valley of despair where most of us pull out the duvet, snacks and get comfortable.
At this comfy valley ( I know it’s a contradiction), we realise that “weh, there is so much I don’t know”. As the realisation sets in, a few players armed with more snacks join the slumber party. These players love a party; limiting beliefs, negative self talk, impostor syndrome, societal pressure, procrastination, avoidance and hiding away.
Let me make it a little more clear with a working example that a lot of us have been through.
You’ve just been recruited for a job in a company that you’ve always wanted to work for . The first week rolls by and you are sat at your desk reading through lots of material, soaking in the office atmosphere and going into meeting after meeting. So far, so amazing right? You’ve made it up and over the peak of Mt. Stupidity.
Second and third week comes along and you get thrown into the deep end. You are drafted into projects, people start asking you to take over tasks , to give your knowledgeable opinion, the deadlines start being set up and you start using the company software. It dawns on you that you have a lot to learn and the penny drops. You jump feet first into the Valley of Despair and you are joined by Impostor Syndrome, Fear, Uncertainty and Negative self talk.
You can either retreat or be kind to yourself and take it one day at a time.
A lot of the times perhaps not with things that pay us salaries (our jobs), we get stuck at the valley of despair. Why? Because being comfortable is a safety blanket. How many times have you found yourself avoiding or procrastinating something because of how much work you have to put in. I can’t be the only one.
Now lets recognise that this is one common transition that a lot of us can go through. However in a lot of cases, we may be going through a number of transitions and changes. Pandemic anyone? This can leave us feeling stuck, overwhelmed and unable to see beyond the slope of entitlement to the plateau of sustainability.
When change and transitions happen too quickly, they can leave you feeling fearful and uncertain until you almost start building a permanent house in the valley and getting out seems harder than ever.
So what can be helpful in being more resilient with transitions;
Increasing your self-awareness. Be curious about why certain feelings and emotions are showing up and what tools can you use you to get yourself out and make sure the next time it happens you only have a brief stay in the valley,
Remind yourself that there is more beyond the valley and its part of the change/learning journey,
Take time to appreciate your achievements and how far you’ve come, this simple act can give you the confidence to get moving
Recognising the great hurdles of our own paths to learning and change is helpful in setting expectations that things will be hard but we can get beyond.
